RETREAT REPORT BY M.H.

This had been my second retreat. Knowing how difficult things can get, I was motivated by fear as much as greed this time. I wanted to get as much pain as I could over with as soon as possible. Not very admirable, but it seemed to help. I think the energy I gathered the first few days almost carried me through the rest of the week. It's kind of beautiful when one's self-attachment (expressed as greed or fear) can be so instrumental in learning to become less self-attached.

I don't remember much about the beginning of the week (my retentive powers aren't that great-a real plus when participating on a retreat). I had been working on the kung-an "Where am I?" I think it was the fourth day during a meditation period when I suddenly felt I was on the verge of some kind of understanding, but I couldn't find any words for it. I let the feeling pass. Later that day I was in one of the kitchens cleaning the drinking glasses. Each person was assigned a specific glass solely for their use during the retreat. I picked up the first glass. My name was on it. I began to laugh. That's where Marina was, in the sink! I had no name. It was as if the way I perceived things was becoming a little looser, freer.