Part Two

RETREAT REPORT BY D.S.

I approached the Ch'an retreat with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. I was excited at the prospect of what a week of meditation could do for me; but I was wary of the kind of commitment or loss that I might have to face. This commitment, I knew, could be capable of evoking the most profound sort of agony and insecurity. Generally no person is completely willing to cast everything away, to stand alone and search for himself anew. We always try to hold something back, whether it be in the form of a hope, fear, guilt, complacency, love, or hate. Like some great Rock of Gibraltar, it's our last refuge before the unknown of open sea.

On the first day my suspicions were confirmed. The Master presented a new face to us-stern, dignified, and sharpened with the greatest urgency. No longer was he so patient and tolerant; rather the ultimatum was simple and direct:

In this week you can become enlightened if you wish. There is no doubt about this. You must forget everything else, and without concern for body or mind, throw your whole self into this question. If you do anything less than make a total effort, then you will waste this most precious opportunity. If that is the case, then you should not be here!