If you want to accept the teachings of Ch'an, then you must let go of your thoughts immediately. If you cannot do it immediately, then work on your method; that is, hold on to your method, and do not think about yourself, or about whether you are gaining or losing something. Don't expect me to have the energy to yell at you and push you all the time. You have to make the effort to drop your self-centeredness. Only then will you penetrate the method.