It seemed that now I was beginning to lose faith because of my selfishness. One evening, Shih-fu called me into the interview room. He indicated by his questions that he knew that I was sitting well just then. I was awed by his perception, and this brought me out of my fears that Shih-fu was not being attentive to me. I decided to trust him entirely. I recalled from one of the evening lectures his image of some people who impatiently grasp for enlightenment as if it were some glorious fruit. It dawned on me that I was impatient for the same reason-I selfishly desired the fruit of enlightenment. Even if I got the fruit, what use would it be? There is no point getting enlightened unless it can benefit all sentient beings. The least I could do was to be a little patient.

The next day Shih-fu gave me the kung-an "What is Wu?" As soon as I used it, my perception of meditation changed. Previously, I only felt that I was seriously meditating when I was sitting. Now the method was constantly with me. There was no transition between sitting or doing chores. They were just arbitrary things I was doing with my body. Still, I worried that I was not asking the question correctly, or with enough conviction. That afternoon, while I was sitting, Shih-fu spoke in Chinese to someone behind me. I heard the word k'ai-wu (enlightenment) and I suddenly thought: This retreat is the real thing! If I don't exert all of my strength now, there will never be another time!

I started asking with a vengeance: "Wu, wu, what is wu? Wu, wu, what is wu?" I followed Shih-fu's instructions to ask the question as if I were pumping air into a tire; if there was no more room left, I should pump more air in. My body became very tense and sweaty and I rocked in my seat. When I thought I could not go on, I forced myself to ask it again. Suddenly Shih-fu hit me with his incense board twice on each shoulder. I did not experience any pain, just the sound of a loud, hollow crack, completely stopping all my thoughts.