RETREAT REPORT BY L.H.

On the first day of my second week-long meditation retreat with Master Sheng-Yen, the intensity of the kung-an, the repeated questioning "Who-am-l" continued at the high level that had developed during the first retreat, one month before. Shih-fu helped to sustain and deepen this intensity by asking me to practice as a matter of life and death, reminding me that one never knows when or if such an opportunity will present itself again in this lifetime.

Many times the question "Who-am-l?" would burst into flames, and tears of spiritual commitment would spring from my eyes, almost turning to steam in the heat of my longing to get to the bottom of this primordial question which all beings are asking, consciously or unconsciously, and which even the universe itself is asking by its very existence. I did not feel caught up in an isolated personal quest but felt very near the center of the universal quest of human beings and, indeed, all conscious beings. But various spiritual experiences of peace and insight would arise and put out the flames of the kung-an, and I would suffer the illusion that these were answers to the question. Shih-fu relentlessly yet kindly attempted to turn my attention away from these spiritual experiences back to the sheer intensity of the practice "Who-am-I?"