RETREAT REPORT BY R.A.

I first heard about meditation retreats from friends whose accounts were varied, and some spoke about unpleasant experiences. Not wanting to be influenced by these stories, I came to Master Sheng-Yen's retreat with no expectations. Whatever happens, I would do my best and get whatever I could from the experience.

When we arrived at Bodhi House, I was overwhelmed by its beauty. But on seeing the schedule, I didn't know if I could get up at four A.M. and sit ten hours a day. To my surprise, as the days went on I sensed a spiritual energy growing. I wouldn't say it was the house itself, but it occurred to me that this was a place where people came to get enlightened! The schedule was all right for me. I slept well, woke up with enough energy to get through the day's work. I say "work" because that's what it was, since we practiced almost constantly.

On the second day while concentrating on the breath, I started feeling numb, as though I was a corpse wrapped in cotton, except I could still see. I thought of how it feels to be dead. I thought of my father and how he felt when he died. Tears started to come. I didn't move. Master Sheng-Yen motioned me into the interview room. When I told him what happened, he said that's in the past, concentrate on the present. Though I knew that already, the sternness he maintained in the zendo changed to such compassion that I felt greatly relieved and went back to sit.