The schedule became a steady flow of activities. At bedtime we practiced lying down until we fell asleep, only to wake up a few hours later to the sound of wooden boards being clapped. I began to feel a lightness of body. I lost my appetite, but I ate a little anyway to maintain the daily routine. Once, when Master Sheng-Yen took us outside for slow walking meditation, I felt like an infant taking its first wonderful steps. I saw trees, pebbles, grass, colors, so clearly, as though for the first time. Everything seemed fresh and new.

Sometimes in the afternoon, I would wonder if I could sit any longer. Once, in intense pain, I said to myself, "I'll sit here until my legs fall off, then I won't be bothered by them!" It helped; the pain gradually lessened. Another time, Master Sheng-Yen told us not to worry if we died, that he would take all the responsibility. "Well, " I thought, "if he's going to be responsible, I'll sit here till I die." It may seem ridiculous, but it helped my sitting. I sat with a lot of determination after that.

In our first interview, Master Sheng-Yen asked me why I came. I said the first thing that came to me: "To improve my practice." He said, "I hope you will have higher goals." I left feeling foolish. During our free period after lunch, I thought about why I came. Then it occurred to me that this place, this schedule, this teacher, were all positive conditions for enlightenment! It was all up to us! The next day, Master Sheng-Yen again asked me why I came. "Hopefully to get enlightened, " I said. "Yes. Now work hard, " was all he said.

In the zendo I felt the oneness of everyone, like one person sitting instead of ten. Then Master Sheng-Yen would hit me on the shoulder with his stick and that thought would be zapped out of my head. He once told us we were all stupid. He said, we outnumbered Reverend Jih-Ch'ang and himself and could easily beat them up with their sticks. Instead we all sat and got hit by them.