The third precept, no sexual misconduct, is important. People who do not uphold this precept can create a lot of grief and turmoil in families and society. I urge all Buddhist lay practitioners to take this precept. According to ancient Indian standards, the following actions constituted an extreme infraction of the precept: unmarried couples having sex, adultery, and unnatural sex acts.According to custom, sex had to be performed at night, in the privacy of the bedroom, and in the standard manner (genital sex). Anything else was considered unnatural.

Again, times have changed, and the Western moral code is different. People live together without getting married. Even some of my students live together, as if they were married. In that case it is not sexual misconduct. Even so, I encourage these people to marry. If you are unmarried and have children, it can create problems for them. And even if you do not have children, it is better to be married, because it shows that you are committed to your partner. Marriage is a sign of responsibility and maturity, and that is good.

If you are not married, and you aren't living with someone, you should try to curb your sexual urge, and not change partners every night. What would be the extreme violation for this day and age? Adultery. But passions are strong. If you think you cannot control your sexual urge at this point in your life, perhaps it would be best to return the precept, and take it later on when you think you have more control over your desires. However, this is not a good solution, only a last resort, and I do not advise it.

The worst violation of the fourth precept ─ no lying ─ would be to tell someone that you are a Buddha or bodhisattva, or to falsely claim enlightenment, in order to gain wealth, respect or social power. You must be aware that you are lying. This is the extreme violation, and repentance will do no good.

If you really believe that you are enlightened, then it is not an infraction of the precept. It is a consequence of arrogance and pride, and not a lie.