For example, on Thanksgiving eve, I asked Chris to come to the Ch'an Center and spend the night and some of Thanksgiving Day on some editing and paperwork. Chris agreed, and that is good. If he was very self-centered, he might have said no. But the situation was more complex than it seems. By Chris working at the Center during a holiday, he may be helping some people, but hurting his family. For this reason I apologized to him and his family and said that I hoped his wife, Maria, would not be upset. Chris said that she wasn't, and I said that it was probably because she figures I'm an old man who needs all the help I can get.

MARIA:

I wasn't upset. Anyway, it's Chris who needs all the help he can get.

SHIH-FU:

In that case, Chris should be grateful to us, because I provided a good opportunity for him to practice, and you made it easier for him to do it.

In all our actions, we should reflect on whether our intentions are beneficial to others. Likewise, when negative feelings arise in us, we should reflect on them, to see if they are harmful to others. In this way, we will check ourselves before we act; if we put other sentient beings before ourselves, those selfish feelings will not arise as much.

It is difficult for most of us to think about benefiting sentient beings all the time. Sentient beings include people and animals, but in this case I am putting the emphasis on humans. For example, if one of a couple is working hard at a job all day, he or she may be in a bad mood upon returning home. On the other hand, if the other person had to do housekeeping all day, he or she may also be in a bad mood. Two people in bad moods usually spells trouble.