During the interview Master Sheng-Yen told me to go outside for a rest, but I didn't want to stop sitting because of a stupid nose-bleed! I figured, well, I'll never get anything now. He interrupted my thoughts and told me to relax and not think of anything. I had planned to stay up all night, but Master Sheng-Yen said there was still time; I should go to sleep and work hard the next day.

Outside, I looked at the flowers on the dogwood trees. Some were buds shut tightly, others were just blossoming, while some were fully bloomed. I thought of how we were like those flowers, trying to cultivate our own true nature. They bloom naturally, revealing their nature. Though following a strict schedule, we were living a very natural life, using each day entirely, not wasting a moment. When we sat ready to eat the food we'd prepared, I usually felt I had earned the meal by working hard.

Near the end of the retreat, Master Sheng-Yen told us that he and Reverend Jih-Ch'ang were shepherds trying to get their sheep up a tree, because there was no more grass to eat. He was in the tree pulling and Reverend Jih-Ch'ang was at the bottom pushing. He said, "Come on up, the leaves taste sweet! But you sheep say, "Ahh, I'm too tired." He told us he couldn't pull anymore. We were on our own. It's all up to us! I was determined to try.

When I went back to sit I shut out everything except "What is Wu? What is Wu? What is Wu?" It started changing and I lost the words: "What is blue? One and two." Suddenly, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. My eyes, ears, nose, mouth all blended to one. I felt like a deflated balloon. I started shaking and began to cry. Reverend Jih-Ch'ang hit me. Harder than he did all the other times. I was crying effortlessly. I was told to follow Master Sheng-Yen. Once inside the interview room I started to laugh. Master Sheng-Yen and Reverend Jih-Ch'ang smiled at me. Reverend Jih-Ch'ang smacked me on the shoulder the way a parent would show they are pleased with their child's efforts. I bowed to Master Sheng-Yen. I was close to his feet and wanted to hold them in my hands and kiss them. I wanted to hug them both.